I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
