Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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