I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
