none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
