LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
