ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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