like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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