This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
