so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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