apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
