we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
