you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
