I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
