"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
