Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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