Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
