I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
