i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
