I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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