I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
