New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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