I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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