I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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