sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
