10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
