I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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