youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
