And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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