Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
