he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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