I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
