turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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