haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
