im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
