i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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