We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
