id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
