Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
