What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
