he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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