About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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