Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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