This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
