this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
