that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
