Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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