She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
