I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
