Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
