Little spoons don't ask big questions
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
