do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
