I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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