Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
