i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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